It's not about the $2,000!!
We closed a $2.2M real estate transaction last week, and for several HOURS, there was a very real possibility it wasn't going to close over $2,000! Yep. TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS! On a $2.2 MILLION transaction.
For those doing the math, that is less than one-tenth of one percent of the purchase price. Yet, getting everyone across the finish line required hours of negotiating, managing some serious emotions, navigating frustrations (occasionally my own), and what I can only describe as a considerable amount of unpaid, therapy from an unlicensed "professional" therapist.
Thankfully, we got there! However, the experience was eye opening and further validated something I've been thinking about for a long time.
For perspective, we've had $300,000 transactions where buyers and sellers were stretching every dollar and still found ways to compromise because everybody wanted the deal to work. We've also had multimillion dollar transactions, like this one, where relatively small amounts of money became ginormous obstacles.
It can be really tempting to look at situations like these and assume one or both parties is being stubborn, unreasonable, or a full on PITA. To be fair, sometimes that IS the case. We are all human and there are times we are all a PITA. But...generally, I believe people are good, and I think most behaviors make a lot more sense when we understand the experiences behind them.
I'd like to talk about one thing we tend to forget: Money doesn't mean the same thing to everybody, and the amount of money involved doesn't determine how much something matters. Two thousand dollars can be a significant financial burden for one person and a relatively insignificant expense for another. That being said, sometimes the issue has absolutely nothing to do with money at all. It is more about fairness, respect, appreciation, and people feeling like they're being taken advantage of by another person or entity.
Take a minute to consider the person who always picks up the dinner tab...the one who is always giving gifts...the one who covers extra expenses...the one who helps someone out because everybody knows they can afford to do so. They can, but that's not the point. When was the last time somebody picked up the tab for THEM?
They don't need the help. They can afford their own dinner. When's the last time someone did something nice for them just because they wanted to show them appreciation?
I liken this to a professional chef. Imagine spending your days preparing incredible meals for other people. You LOVE cooking, you're good at it, and you can clearly make yourself a fantastic dinner. Think how wonderful it would make them feel to have someone invite them over, tell them to relax and make themselves comfortable, and say, "I've got dinner tonight."
It doesn't matter if the meal is fancy or whether you could have made it better yourself. Someone took the time to do something for YOU. Being capable of doing something for yourself doesn't make someone else's gesture any less meaningful. Sometimes that actually makes it even MORE meaningful.
I seriously wonder how often we overlook that simply because we assume someone doesn't NEED anything from us. Of course, this goes well beyond money. We all bring our own experiences into every interaction. Someone who has repeatedly felt taken advantage of might be especially sensitive to being asked to give a little more. A person who's spent years fighting for what they have might experience compromise very differently than someone whose experiences have taught them generosity tends to come back around.
One person sees compromise as losing something, while another sees it as gaining goodwill. Neither response necessarily tells us whether the person is kind, generous, selfish, or difficult. What it tells us is they have a perspective shaped by a lifetime of experiences we know absolutely nothing about.
Yet, how quickly do we make judgements about people based on a single interaction? We say and think things like: "I would never behave that way." "I can't believe they're making such a big deal out of this." "They can afford it, so what the hell is the problem?"
Maybe we wouldn't behave the same way, but we also haven't lived their lives. This is one thing I find fascinating about real estate. On paper, our job involves contracts, deadlines, inspections, negotiations, and getting people to the closing table. In reality, we spend an insane amount of time helping people navigate situations where money and emotions collide. Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is stop talking about the dollars long enough to understand what those dollars represent to the people negotiating them.
Does my client feel unheard? Unappreciated? Disrespected? Are they worried they're being taken advantage of? Do they feel like they've already given more than their fair share?
We don't have to agree with someone's position to make an effort to understand where it's coming from. Similarly, understanding doesn't mean we have to give in, either. It simply gives us a much better chance of finding a solution.
I have also been thinking about how easy it is to make someone feel appreciated, regardless of what they have or what they can do for themselves. Buy dinner for the friend who always buys dinner. Bring a little gift to the person who can buy themselves anything and everything they want. Offer to help the person who is usually helping everyone else. Cook a meal for the chef. Do it not because they need it, but because they deserve to experience the kindness they so often extend to others.
As for our transaction, we made it to closing. Everyone found a way forward, and I am extremely grateful for that. I don't pretend to know every thought or experience behind the positions people took, but I do know we got a lot further by trying to understand one another than we would have by deciding someone was simply difficult.
To me, that's something worth remembering the next time another person's behavior makes absolutely no sense to us. I'm guessing, more often than not, there is a whole lot more behind it than $2,000.
