I have a strange confession. I mentally move into almost every house I tour. That may be strange, but I always envision what my life would look like in every setting.
Give me a good five minutes inside a home, and I've already figured out where I would drink my morning coffee, where Brad would probably leave his shoes (Grrrr), where the cats would find quite comfort, and whether we would actually enjoy our time there.
I cannot help myself. I've been doing it for years, and being in real estate and touring homes on a daily basis has only made it worse. Sometimes I will walk into a relatively small, modest home, the kind many people would consider a starter home, and I can immediately picture a wonderful life there. I know where we would put the furniture, how we would use every room, and where we would spend the majority of our time. I can practically hear the laughter coming from the kitchen table on game night.
Other times, I will walk into an absolutely stunning luxury home with soaring ceilings, ginormous rooms, beautiful luxury finishes, and a price tag that could make your eyes water, and I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how I would live there. I can appreciate the architecture and admire the craftmanship, but I cannot picture myself being happy there.
That's a pretty interesting realization when you spend as much time looking at houses as we do. Somewhere along the way, we have gotten awfully attached to the idea that bigger automatically means better. More square footage, more bedrooms, more bathrooms, bigger closets, bigger kitchens, bigger EVERYTHING. We talk about homes in terms of numbers because numbers are easy to compare. A 4,000sf home must be better than a 2,000sf home, right? In my opinion, not necessarily.
I have been in smaller homes where every square foot has a purpose. The kitchen flows naturally into the living area, the bedrooms offer comfort and privacy, there is enough storage for the things people actually need to store, and the whole floorplan fits everyday living. I can imagine people cooking, laughing, relaxing, entertaining, and LIVING without having to constantly work around the house itself.
I have also toured enormous homes with rooms I feel have no purpose. Formal spaces nobody seems likely to use, long hallways connecting areas that feel miles apart, and floor plans that look impressive on paper, but feel cold in person. Who needs three separate living rooms if everyone is going to end up hanging out in the kitchen anyway?
Don't get me wrong, I love a beautiful luxury home, and there are plenty of large homes that feel absolutely like our next chapter. Some people need the space for their families, hobbies, work, entertaining, or whatever makes their lives work. For us, regardless of the size, a home must be warm, welcoming, and functionally efficient.
My point is square footage tells you how big a house is, but it doesn't tell you how well you will live in it. I know this might sound a little woo-woo, but I don't care. Homes have energy. You can walk through the front door of one house and immediately feel comfortable. There is something warm and welcoming about it. Maybe it's the natural light, the proportions of the rooms, the way the spaces seamlessly connect, or the view out the back window. Maybe it's the way the home has been lived in by others. Whatever it is, you feel it.
Then you walk into another home that is objectively beautiful, meticulously maintained, and decorated like a model home, and something just does not feel right. There is nothing wrong with the house. You simply don't connect with it.
I don't think every home has to speak to every person, either. In fact, I would be pretty concerned if we all wanted exactly the same thing. Neighborhoods would be soooo boring if that were the case!
Some people love soaring ceilings and dramatic architecture. Others want cozy rooms, warm wood, and a fireplace they can curl up next to. Some dream of sleek modern spaces with enormous windows. Others want a big old farmhouse with a porch, a little character, and some unique quirks. None of those preferences are right or wrong. The trick is figuring out what makes a home feel like YOUR home, rather than what looks impressive in listing photos.
Little Real Estate Tip: The floor plan matters more than you think.
This is one of those things buyers sometimes don't fully appreciate until they've moved in and gotten settled. A house can have all the square footage in the world, but if the layout doesn't support the way you live, you are going to notice it...and you're going to notice it Every. Single. Day.
Think about your morning routine. Do you and your spouse both need to get ready at the same time? Do you work from home and need somewhere quiet for calls? Do you love entertaining and want everyone to be able to comfortably gather in one area? Do you have dogs who consider the backyard their personal kingdom?
Think about the less glamours stuff. Where do the groceries go when you walk through the door? Is the laundry room somewhere convenient, or will doing a load of laundry feel like a cross-country expedition? Where do you put coats, shoes, backpacks, cleaning supplies, and all the other things that somehow multiply once you own a home? These details aren't nearly as exciting as a gorgeous kitchen island or a spectacular primary bedroom. They are however, the details you will live with every day.
I've seen smaller homes that function beautifully because somebody put real thought into how people use space. I've seen larger homes where the square footage is technically there, but so much of it is devoted to hallways, oversized entries, and rooms that don't fit the owner's lifestyle. There is a significant difference between having space and having usable space. A home should make your life easier, not require you to constantly adapt your life to its floor plan.
Location, Location, Location! We hear this phrase so often in real estate that it's practically background noise at this point. There is a reason it refuses to go away. Where you live has an enormous impact on HOW you live. If your idea of a perfect Sunday involves walking to a coffee shop, browsing local boutiques, grabbing lunch, and meeting friends for drinks without ever getting in your car, you probably shouldn't buy a house buried deep in the burbs where every errand requires a drive.
I don't care how gorgeous the kitchen is. If you want a walkable neighborhood, you will get tired of driving 20 minutes for a cup of coffee...promise.
On the other hand, if your dream is to sit outside at night, listen to absolutely nothing, and look up at a sky full of starts, buying close to the city probably isn't going to deliver your ideal experience. You might have a beautiful home, but you're not going to see the Milky Way through a sky full of city lights.
I grew up on a farm, so I understand the appeal of space, quiet, and being able to see stars in the sky. I also understand why someone else might find that same setting terribly inconvenient or isolating. Not everyone wants to drive half an hour because they ran out of milk. There is no universal perfect location. There is only the location that works for the life you want to live.
Maybe you want to be close to your grandkids. Maybe you want easy access to hiking trails, a short commute, a neighborhood where kids can ride bikes, or enough land to have animals (this one is me). Maybe you want to walk to dinner on Friday nights and never mow another lawn for the rest of your life. Those things are extremely important to keep in mind when looking for your next home. I think people sometimes get so focused on finding the perfect house they forget to think about the life they'll be living once the moving boxes are emptied and recycled.
Stop shopping for someone else's dream. It's surprisingly easy to get distracted by features that sound wonderful but have very little to do with how you actually live. A huge formal dining room sounds impressive. Most of them are for show. Do you enjoy hosting big dinners? If not, probably not necessary. A massive backyard sounds amazing. Do you want to spend your weekends maintaining it? If not, probably not for you. A dedicated home theater sounds like a dream...you have one of those, you fancy! But...do you ever actually watch movies at home? If not, probably a good opportunity to reassess your criteria.
No judgement! There is nothing wrong with wanting beautiful things, and you certainly don't have to justify every feature of your home based on how frequently you'll use it. Sometimes something simply makes you happy, and that is reason enough. At the same time, it's always worth asking whether you're falling in love with the way a house looks or the way you imagine living in it? Those two things are, quite frequently, different.
Social media and real estate marketing don't make this any easier. We are constantly posting stunning homes with perfectly styled rooms, spectacular outdoor spaces, and kitchens that look like nobody has ever splattered spaghetti sauce in them. They are beautiful...and inspiring...and somebody else's vision of the dream. Your dream may look completely different...and that's ok!
It might be a smaller house with a perfect porch where the best neighbors ever stop by on the regular, just to say hello. It might be a sprawling property where you can have horses, and nobody can see into your backyard (hello nude sunbathing!). It might be a condo downtown where you can lock the door and head to the airport without worrying about mowing, watering, or shoveling anything. The point is not to find the house that would impress the most people. The point is to find the one that makes YOU excited to come home.
The next time you tour a home, try something a little different. Instead of spending the entire showing mentally checking boxes, give yourself a few minutes to imagine an ordinary Tuesday. Not Thanksgiving with your entire family laughing in the kitchen. Not a summer party with all your friends and neighbors hanging out on the patio. Just...Tuesday.
Where would you sit and enjoy your morning coffee? How would your morning unfold? Would the kitchen work for the way you cook on a routine basis? Could you comfortably work, relax, entertain, or escape from everyone for a little peace and quiet? Would you enjoy the drive home? Would you look forward to walking through the front door every day? Does the neighborhood offer the things that make your life feel full?
Think about what you love doing NOW, along with what you hope to do more often in your next chapter. Pay attention to how you feel as you move through the house, too. Sometimes you will walk into a place, and everything clicks. Other times, you will find yourself trying incredibly hard to convince yourself that you should love it because it checks all the boxes. Pay attention to that feeling because those boxes are a guide...they are not the final answer.
Of course, emotions aren't the only consideration. A home still needs to make financial sense, be in acceptable condition, and meet all your practical needs. A warm, fuzzy feeling won't fix a failing foundation or make an unaffordable mortgage disappear. I won't suggest ignoring those realities for a second.
I WOULD, however, suggest giving your actual lifestyle as much consideration as the number of bedrooms, the size of the garage, and the color of the kitchen cabinets. After all, you're not buying a collection of rooms. You're buying the place where the next chapter of your life is going to unfold.
